Here are some things, kiddos, that you get to look forward to in your fifties. Sometimes standing up is an event. Like my Apple watch, there should be like a stand up, where I get like 5 seconds of calorie burn credit for.
You’ve heard people make jokes about like sneezing and hurting things. That’s an actual thing. You can like sneeze and throw at your back. Sneeze and hurt your knee. It’s a real thing, people. Something else that’s fun is when you sneeze, you have to pause for a second and think, did something come out of another orifice someplace? Let me think for 5 seconds. No, no, we’re good. Okay.
Coffee is a comfort food now. I don’t drink coffee for the caffeine. I drink coffee just because it makes me happy. Water has become insanely important. Like I have to drink 32oz and wait ten minutes for me to even feel human. It’s more important than coffee.
And lastly. You learn that.
You are pretty stupid. As a kid, you didn’t know Jack!
