(Hate is a word that I believe has no place in the English language. There is nothing positive to using it whatsoever, and nothing productive has ever come about because of it’s usage. Every time somebody uses it I get irritated. But I’ll talk more about that in a dedicated post.)

I had the pleasure of taking my daughter out for coffee and a morning breakfast snack. Call it trendy, call us a stereotypical yuppy family. I don’t care. It was a treat for both of to get out, go sit in some comfortable chairs, and shoot the breeze. I highly recommend shooting the breeze with your teenagers given the chance. They will not always be teenagers and they will not always be there.

The hot Starbucks cups come with these cute little paragraphs of life wisdom now. Mine today says:

“The way I see it #242. Children are born with such a sense of fairness that they will accept no less that equal treatment for all. I know - I have three. I hope that as they grow, they keep that sense of justice and learn to challenge the old adage ‘life’s not fair.’. It should be, in so far as we have control of it.” Beth Vanden Hoek. Starbucks assistant manager in St. Louis, Missouri.

Well spoken! Ms. Hoek is very eloquent in her wording, but I have a slight disagreement with how she puts it.

Fair is one of those subjective works that I shy away from using with my child, and in life in general . When you use that word you are implying a binary or absolute state: Something is or is not fair. Fair does not have a range (Never quite understood more fair or less fair - kind of like being a little pregnant isn’t it?). Once you start talking in absolutes you will inevitably set yourself up for a disagreement by somebody.

Rather than using the term I prefer to say something is agreeable or liked or “OK” by multiple parties. If I have 7 jellybeans and I give you 3 and me 4 is that fair? I know that there are kids that would say “No. I want the 4. That would be fair”. But if you ask them “is this agreeable or OK with you” then you are more likely to get a favorable response… as long as they get the 4 next time

This same rule applies should apply across life - whether it be college football games or huge business transactions. Team A won by 3 points against Team B because the ref did not see an offsides offense committed by Team A. Fanatical fans will scream all day long that it is not fair. They will talk about several decades after the game. However it should be understood and agreeable that refs make mistakes. Whatever mistakes they make on this day that favor Team A they might make again in a week and it will favor Team B or C. And in the end it should be agreeable and OK with everybody involved that this is how it works.

Go out amidst the noise and haste and don’t try to be fair. Just try to be agreeable to everybody around you. That is the absolutely 100% binary way it should be (where is the smiley for tongue in cheek :P  <—  there it is ! )

XO,

Patrick